


A brand new start

by alcoholinspired



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-10-25 04:20:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10756593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alcoholinspired/pseuds/alcoholinspired
Summary: Unexpectedly, Anders learns that Hawke is with child.





	1. The news.

A miracle. It was the only word he could say, they could say. That if one of them actually managed to move a single facial muscle.

“Anders? Anders? Anders?! Are you here? Justice? Can someone answer?”  
They couldn’t. If Varric were in the room he would go on all the blondie jokes he could come up in a row, but there were only the two of them, or better the four of them. And the two souls could not mutter a single letter on their minds, nor a single image. They were only staring at the woman in front of them, with wide eyes and a barely open mouth waiting for a reaction, glowing herself, like a sunshine. Their sunshine.

His face was glowing blue, the fade was surrounding him, unlike the way it did whenever he was in a crisis, it was a soft light shimmering tenderly, giving the amber eyes that were wide open another hue. What had she just said? She raised her hands, cupping his face and asked lowly as she caressed the blue cracks with her thumbs:

“Justice?”

And under her touch the two of them broke. The tears start rolling on his face, his lips that could not stop at firmly pressing themselves or trembling like on a spasm, the inner part of the eyebrows raised and pulled together, also trembling. Looking at her he remembered everything. The way he was parted from his mother, the womens at the circle, desperately trying to end their pregnancy, the others had their babies taken from them, the children he helped come to life, both in the circle and out of it. He remembered learning the effects of being a grey warden only after it was done, how it went down in the stomach like the rocks on dwarven tunnels that any hope for a family was gone. Yet, she was there, his love, his woman telling him:

“I’m with child.”

Somewhere inside him Justice also reacted, remembering himself memories that were once his. Kristoff and Aura, who also wanted children, who also wanted a family, to have a fruit of the love they had so strong. The agony he also felt when he discovered the implications of being a warden. Now Justice was watching shocked, concerned, proud. He was confused inside Anders boiling cauldron of emotions, he knew how much the mage wanted to build a family, he also knew how much he feared doing it, feared to the point of never really go for it.

“Anders, are you all alright?”

Was it alright? Was anything alright? Maker he was electric! He was burning inside out, Justice was a hair away of going out of him and jump right onto her. A child? His child?! It was too much, he was brave enough to fight templars, for the mages, for Hawke; brave enough for the day Hawke tired herself of him, of his whining, his clinginess, all the trouble he is, the day she would finaly tire herself of the burden he was in her life. But a child? Being a father and having someone entirely dependent on him? No, that he wasn’t. He saw the families, walking with their children, couples together expecting one, he would watch them all from some dirty somber alleyway, the happiness they achieved so easily and for he would only be a wild dream.

There wasn’t word for his feels, there was no way he could describe Justice swinging from each part of his body in an electric wave, prodding him to do something, pushing him to go to her, to hold her, embrace her, like the cause they were fighting for, like Kristoff would.

So his host did, finaly. Anders grabbed her head with his long hands and kissed her, passionate and hungry, panting like their first kiss at the clinic. That obviously got her by surprise, again. Her first instinct was to step back, but he kept her in place. His hands moved, reaching different places of her head until cupping her face, releasing her lips from his, letting her gasp for air, he kissed her without restraint, wet kisses on her face.

“Hey, hey there, cal…” Another kiss on her face to shut her up. Neither he nor Justice want to calm down.

They held her, tightly, an arm around her shoulders, another holding her head, making the hair already grown from years a mess. He held her something akin to a child, but it was he who needed reassurance. Reassurance that it wasn’t a dream, that she wouldn’t ditch him anytime soon, or that the templars wouldn’t tear them apart.

“Are you alright?”

“I’ve never been better. Me a father? A family? I’ve wanted it for so long, but… it would be foolishness to believe it would happen. Maker I’m terrified.”

“Of what?”

“If it is a mage? What if someone takes it from me? I… I feel helpless. Worst than ever before.”

“I’m still here. We are here.”

He didn’t answer. He could only hold her there. His father came to mind, the man he loved and trusted that was so glad to send him away to hell. Mage or not, she was with his child, the undeniable proof they loved each other. There was no more doubts on him that everything needed to change, that a world where mages could be born free, to live, love and build families needed to arise. A world where two apostates could raise their children to be free. And one more thing also needed to change:

“Love…”

“Yes?”

“You aren’t going anywhere near danger.”

“Hey! Wait a moment! Who…”

“Don’t even think of discussing with me. Either you behave, or I, we, will tie you to bed, understood?”

“You wouldn’t do that!”

“Oh, really? Are you sure?”

“Ah, well… but…”

“NO.” And this was Justice intervening.

“Oh, hi Justice, could you please reason with him?”

“NO.”

“Why not?”

“IT IS NOT JUST TO PUT OUR CHILD IN DANGER.”

“I’m not sick, I…”

“NO.” And the spirit made it quite clear it was a no.

“Eh… Alright… I’m good…”

Justice relinquished control. The two lovers were left to their happiness, making plans, laughing and crying. it was now under his belt ensure the safety of this child. He thought once that letting him have her would be a distraction, would be bad, but the love they shared gave them a new light, the child she carried gave them a whole Sun. He knew exactly what the child was, he knew it before Anders or her, but he decided to let them have their time and was rewarded with such happy moment. He would not spoil anything, no matter who asked.


	2. The thoughts of the first night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first night after the news, sharing thoughts and feels about the upcoming member of the family.

They were lay in bed, laughing, thinking about every possibility that crossed their heads, he was holding her hands on his chest, letting her feel his heartbeat, his face red with joy, amber eyes shinning like gold, with blue hints here and there.

"We have to think of a name, a girl's name and a boy's one." Anders said.

"I hope your ideas for baby names are not the same for cats" She answered joyfully.

"Hey don't you talk about my cat naming conventions, they are unique."

"Indeed." She answered giggling.

"Very funny. In any way I prefer you decide it."

She looked to him seriously and asked:

"Are you sure?"

"I am my love." He answered kissing her palm.

"So I will. Can you imagine how this house will be like?"

It was his turn to laugh now.

"Imagine Sandal teaching how to swing on the chandelier!"

"Oh don't say, I wait for the day the thing will fall."

"We have to be careful, when we last wait 'Enchantment!' will be it's first word!"

They both laughed happily. When they calmed themselves Anders asked on another tone, a worried one:

"I'm scared my love, what if it's a mage? What will happen to our child?"

"If it turns out to be a mage we'll have to see where the talents lie, you and I will train."

He laughed, ear to ear, already imagining the scene.

"I will love to show how to rain thunder and fireballs!"

She laughed now painting a very joyful Anders teaching how to throw fireballs at Templars.

"What if it's not a mage?" He asked.

"Well, swords are not my specialty, but I can handle it for some time. I'm sure Aveline will help us with that."

"Not sure I like this idea."

"And if it's a rogue Isabela will surely cover a duelist full training."

"Now that idea I certainly didn't like."

She laughed, he didn't. She knew even approving her come back, he was very crossed with Isabela for putting her in that situation and even more crossed at Fenris for coming up with the duel.

"Imagine Varric telling your history to our kid." Anders said.

"I'm sure he'll come up with things way more wild than he have already."

"He doesn't need. The reality is already unbelievable as it is."

"It won't be Varric if he does otherwise."

"You're right." He answered smiling.

"And I'm sure our rogue friends will teach it how to play Wicked Grace and Diamondback." She said.

"You mean cheat." He corrected

"Imagine losing for your kid."

"I'm loosing to the dog." He said with a fake tone of indignation.

"Mind your tongue about my Mabari! They are unique dogs." She replied with a similar tone.

"I bet it will like cats more."

"And I bet the ferelden blood will speak strongly!"

"We'll see!"

They stood some moments in silence looking up, until she asked:

"Do you have a preference?"

He looked back to her and answered:

"No. Regardless of gender I want it to be healthy."

She smiled and he continued:

"But if it is a girl I would love if it looked like you, if it was like you."

She smiled more openly and he complemented:

"Minus this death wish you seem to have."

"Hey I don't have a death wish!"

"Oh no, why would I think that! Maybe you dueling the Arishok had something to do with it."

"It was different."

"No, it wasn't."

They fell silent again, the air around them was light as if they weren't in a mad city after all. Anders broke the silence.

"We have to prepare ourselves for the labor."

"Anders, it is still early."

"I know but we have to be prepared, the towels, sheets..."

"My love, it will take months before it happens. We have to tell the others first."

"Oh, true, I forgot about that."

She laughed again, it was obvious he was a nervous electric ball thinking of every detail it would be needed.

"I'll check on you."

"I'm alright, really, you don't need to."

"I say what's needed, and I need to check on you. And I'll keep you under watch from now on." 

He said that with all the seriousness he had, the sheer desperation when he had to take care of her after the Arishok was something not wanted again on a lifetime, and now he was horrified she would jump into another crazy bloody fight. Anders gesture for her to lay on her back and passed his leg over her thigh, keeping her from any smart ideas, but without sitting.

He unlaced her robes exposing her skin and called his powers and the fade lightened around his hands, one wisp on each obeying his will followed his hands to her belly, hovering a bit above. For the first time he felt the life inside her, a little live growing under his hands, a part of him and her that was the sum of two and yet completely new, he couldn't hold back the tears in his eyes, it was there, he could cover with his hands that small part of her body that would grow so much over the following months. He dispelled the wisps and the magic, and with a face flustered red by the overload of feelings he bent down until he could kiss that sacred part, and he did kissed all her lower belly as he done many times before, now more careful than ever, nuzzling his blond head on her. Anders felt her hands gently untying the red lace he took from her after a time together and caressing his hair; with hands on her hips he let himself enjoy the much wanted care, moving his head where he wanted attention much like a cat would do.

He raised his head and crawled his way on top of her, on fours not to weight on her, until his forearms were on each side of her head, their faces just some inches away from each other, he held her head hiding his fingers on her hair, looking to her face illuminated by the firelight shining with a renewed burst of life, her smile wholehearted and sincere, full as he didn't see after the tragedy hit her house, he looked to each angle and each detail of her face, memorizing in his heart and in Justice conscience her expression happy and light. Looking to her like this after the news made him believe with every fiber and magic he had that it was possible for him to be happy.

He looked to her with the purest expression he could have, if there was anything pure remaining in him. His lips still trembled, unsure between kissing every part of her, bury his face on the hair splayed around her or simply keep looking at her. The crinkles of his eyes perfectly visible by his expression; he felt another load of tears coming, he wouldn't think of living this moment seriously, he would dream, but believe in it would be foolish, he never imagined he would feel so vulnerable, so in need of someone stronger saying everything was going to be alright. He held her head keeping her still, maybe it was all a dream, a foul play be some demon and he was still in the little dirty and stinky cell, maybe if he didn't hold her tight she would be taken away or he would wake up alone and dirty on his bed at the clinic. He kept her head from moving away and kissed her forehead, feeling the salty taste of his own tears, staying in the same spot for some moments. It was a chaste kiss and even if he was on top of her it was the only way he could think of showing the devotion he had for her.

He rubbed his lips on her forehead, her nose with his, kissing her cheek and then nuzzling his own forehead with hers, she meant to meet his lips, but he didn't allow her to move. Right now he didn't want anything else than this little reassurance he could get.

"I love you... more than I could ever say..."

"Anders..."

He tried to hold himself together for it was getting hard to talk, she meant to say something but he couldn't hear much more from her, else he would break right there, so he kissed her once again, not the same hungry kiss of before, this one was slow, afraid, needy, salty. He broke the kiss and embraced her, hiding his face on her hair, still wanting to feel the touch of her skin on his, trying hard not to cry like the child they would have.

"Anders, it's alright, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, no one is going to take us from you."

He held her tight and said:

"You can't promise that."

He was right, she couldn't, there's no way to predict the future and Kirkwall made sure she learned that lesson. The only thing she could do was embrace him and say:

"Maybe you're right, but if we stay together, then we can do everything. And you have Justice on your side."

He let the tears fall by her side, his muffled voice and red face hidden by the black fabric of her hair. When his voice came back strong enough to speak he said:

"I heard people saying that love is a foolishness that only brings pain, that makes us vulnereable, that for people like me it's a path to damnation..."

He raised his face, showing her all the emotions written on his face and continued:

"And maybe they're right, I didn't want to believe them, I refused to, but now, it is true because I love you too much, and it hurts me."

Justice that was rolling back and forth inside him, unsure of what to do to calm him, paying attention to each and every word his mortals exchanged, being drowned in the ocean of his host's emotion. He wanted to hear her, he needed, they needed her reassurance, for her voice and her presence was all the light that brightened their path.

He was glowing more evidently now, his doubts and fears destroying the self control he hardly kept since she gave the news, Justice unsure if he should take or not control, he could, but would that strengthen Anders or throw him deeper down fear and depression? He needed Hawke to do something, they needed Hawke to do something, their daring blackbird always had the words to set their minds at ease.

She cupped his face, following the its lines and glowing cracks with her fingers, she smiled for them and said:

"Anders, Justice, I love you too, I'm here with you waiting for your child, we will be a family, isn't that you're fighting for? The right for equality? For every mage to born free, to have a family? If you don't think you deserve it, then be strong for me. For us."

She said the last part touching her belly, his lips were trembling more than before, new tears rolled down from his eyes to her face, Justice was very pleased with her words, he prodded Anders out of his inertia, pushing him to have an attitude, pushing him to kiss her so they could feel the warm reassurance of her lips and her arms protectively around them. 

Finally, Anders answered their call, and they both could feel in equal measure her touches, her embrace, Anders through his skin and Justice through the fade cracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read your comments and it really endeared me to go on this work. Loved your replies and sorry for taking so much to continue! Next chapter coming up soon!


	3. By the morning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after and the first measures each of them take.

It was morning, I could see the first rays of light through the window and the first noises of Hightown, of thieves going home and merchants to arrive. Can't say I've slept any bit of the night, thinking the same things again and again, imagining every little thing that could happen, replaying the words she said and the cares she gave.

_"You should have slept, there's no use for us being tired."_

I could hear the objections, was it Justice or was it reasoning? I got so tired of trying to discover the origin of each thought now.

_"We will have a child, she is fragile, we need to protect them, to make the world better for them. You should rest."_

"I will have a child."

_"We will have a child."_

This wasn't right, it couldn't be right. I am too far gone, should never be able to have a family, to have a child, wardens don't have children. Mages don't have children.

Especially with another mage.

And I am an abomination.

"Did you have something to do with it?" I find myself asking myself.

But there was no answer. I ask again.

"Justice! Did you have something to do with it?!"

Again only silence, dread silence. My voice echoing in my head like it did in the cell.

"Justice, answer me!"

But he doesn't. My friend remained silent and still, no hint of disapproval, no strange thought, nothing. I feel her body move by my side, still deep in sleep, what is she dreaming? Is she happy? Is she alright?

I reach to her belly again, with the most delicate fade touch I feel it again. There, there was life in there, no signs of taint, no sign of any problem, it was there a little different a little more. Perfect. Pure.

_"The child is healthy, she is healthy, she is warm. Should let them rest..."_

No signs of the taint, thank the Maker. I take her hand, hold it tight and find myself doing what I didn't in a lifetime.

I was praying.

I was begging.

With every faith I had in Andraste and the Maker, with every burning certainty I still have:

"Andraste don't let anything bad happens to them, Maker don't take them from me."

_"I won't allow anyone to take them from you. I won't allow anyone to take anything more from you."_

I ignore the thought, I don't have the energy to play 'who', I squeeze my eyes shut and kiss her hand, I feel the tears rolling again from my eyes and the blood flux on my cheeks, she moves again and I look at her, so relaxed, no line of worry, no hint of sadness, nothing. She was happy and lighthearted, like the couples I saw many times, wandering happily and silly, so absorbed in their own happiness they couldn't imagine a filthy scum in an alleyway, in a brothel or in a bar peeking trough the darkness. They couldn't imagine a runaway apostate looked at them filled with bitterness and envy.

She moves a little more, she looked like a child herself, not wanting to wake up, and I couldn't hold back a chuckle, I lay her hand by her side, bend to kiss her forehead, she raises her head instinctively, and I rub my nose with hers. Lay down my body besides her and embrace her, like a child would do to a pillow, maybe if held tight enough she won't be taken.

After some time I feel her awaken, she arches her back, straighten her limbs and gives a lazy yawn, she rubs her eyes and looks at me with half open lids and with a giggle rolls away of my embrace.

"Hey, how dare you!"

I grab her waist before she goes any farther and with her back turned to me I ask:

"What's the idea? Don't you really think I'll let you get away, do you?"

"You don't? What will you do then?"

"I can come up with some ideas least you expect. Anyway, did you sleep well?"

"Better than ever, and you?"

"I... Don't worry about me love, I'll be good if you are."

She turned to me, still sleepy, the morning sunlight already bright through the window, and hide her face at the crook of my neck, most surely not wanting to wake up, she kiss my collarbone and stays a while longer.

So the lovers stay together for some more minutes, until the morning sounds tell them it's time to wake, she bathes herself and put a fancy robe she used at home, he sits at the table where his manifestos were being written the night before, the hair unbound was like a golden curtain on his sides, the sunlight making it look like a burning fire, not unlike what his own heart felt. He didn't sleep a single minute through the night, didn't even change the clothes which were now creased, the two of them were contrasting images, she, happy and lighthearted, with a renewed life bright, a face clean of worries, he, worried and startled, looking more wearied than he ever did, a face clearly marked by the irregular sleep and the terrors he feared for the future, some part of him was happy, was thrilled by the new perspective, but the majority was buried beneath years of terror lived. She couldn't understand, she could never understand, and thanks the Maker for that.

Usually, he would go for her and let her play with his hair, enjoy the care, the protective feel of her hands while he fondled with her breasts, read and made corrections on his manifesto, or simply stood still on her lap, but today he wasn't in the mood for it, for anything, there were too many things he needed to sort by himself, too much energy and anxiety and he couldn't let this pass to her, he would need to be for her what she was for him. He brushed his hair and tied it tightly, organized his desk and straightened his clothes.

A while after they went to eat their breakfast, she said:

"I sent word to Carver to meet me tonight, I want him to know first."

Carver, her younger brother Carver, who he never understood and never they got along with, and a Templar, a blighted Templar, it was difficult to think anything else of him now. He knew the siblings had a complex relationship, one he didn't try to understand, and he knew Carver only tolerated him because of his relationship with her, the clinic and because he himself was disgusted by the things he discovered.

"I don't know how he will react." She said after drinking her tea, and the worry on her voice was present.

"Neither do I, but he loves you, he'll be shocked but I'm sure he will like it."

She only smiled. They finished their breakfast, he raised from the chair and went to her, he needed to attend the clinic, and more than ever to know how the mage situation was. He cupped her face with both hands, she looked right through his eyes, and he said:

"I need to go the clinic, will you be alright?"

"I'll, I promise."

"If you feel anything, need anything, send someone, don't think twice, will you?"

She smiled covering his hands and answered:

"I will."

He leaned down and kissed her, a kiss tasting tea and cherries. It was hard to go, part of him didn't want to go anywhere but where she was, and the other needed some air to try reconcile the thoughts, the two together made a third one which wanted to continue fighting for the cause with renewed breath, which wanted results, and wanted fast.

When he reached the clinic the very first thing he did was sent word to the other rebellious apostates, he needed to keep himself informed, but this word came with a very specific request. The rest of the day he attended to his patients, his expression tired, but even so he was still electric, some people commented with covered mouths and whispered words how their healer was agitated, walking from side to side with wide steps, smiling here and there when he thought no one was looking, seemingly lost in thoughts with shining eyes and flushed cheeks. Surely the Champion might have given him the good time.

So went the day, while he worked on his clinic, Hawke remained at home filling documents and deep in her own thoughts. Even if she teased him she knew things would change for the following months, and she knew Kirkwall wasn't going to change, but she didn't know what expected her, how to handle this new situation, she was afraid too, she felt an empty hollowness in her heart, and this hollowness corroded the veins of her lungs and weighted like rock wall. She missed her mother.

Justice remained silent, there wasn't any need to do something, and he wouldn't intervene with the doubts his host felt, not now, for he felt his host was afraid of him, similar, but much more than what he was and usually is when they are together with Hawke, he was lost on how to handle this, unsure if manifesting himself would do more harm than good. But just as he thought, the child did give him a renewed boost among the horde of bad news they received in the previous months, he now had a goal, not like the idea of freedom, not a dream, he had something palpable, something real, something they could feel in their hands, something to hold on.

The word reached Carver by the middle of the day, it was difficult to get in touch with him, and he himself hadn't contact her after their mother's death, they loved each other, but there was to many rocks on their path, and look to at each other after their mother would risk set them flying. When he received her word he went from annoyance from concern, what could be so important for his sister to want his presence? He was anxious, but he could not leave before night. He wondered for the rest of the day what was so important his sister needed him at her estate, why didn't she send a request? After all, she was the bloody champion of Kirkwall.

And they all waited until the moon was on the skies, hour that never seemed to pass, hour that passed too fast and hours that made no sense at all, by the night it was time to say the news for the remaining sibling, Ser Carver Hawke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told it would be soon!  
> Next chapter our beloved younger Hawke, Ser Carver.


End file.
